You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
