Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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