Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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