the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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