oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
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I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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