She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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