i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
