I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
