Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
