the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
