oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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