evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
