dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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