I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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