ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
