So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
