i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize