I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
