Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
