Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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