you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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