Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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