i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Who died my cat blue again?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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