The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
