My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
this hospital has no fireball
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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