Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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