you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
