Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
