you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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