so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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