i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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