...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
