Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
