I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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