you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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