I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
