I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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