areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
