i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
