i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
