Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
