Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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