For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
