I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
