if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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