He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize