Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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