this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
