How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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