Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
