Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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