The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
