What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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