He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
