mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
