Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
