When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize