No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
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He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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