I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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