I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
